| So It seems life lately has been on the down side. I am not who I used to be anymore and I dont even know who I am. Who is this person that acts like I do. Where is the compassionate lover of God that I used to be? So many things are hitting me lately. Revelations about myself, my brother,love,Ukraine, School, friends problems, my aunt dieing ....Where is the girl that used to turn to God every morning the one who walked what she talked? Is this why I didnt get the position? Is this why i was rejected ? Is that what makes them better than me?
I put on a smile at school and home and say nothing is wrong. Only my daily people ever know and some never know. Sometimes they don't even know what. I am getting tired though of faking that I am ok and the same . It doesnt work anyway. I just wish I could turn into who I used to be again.
God help me. Please, it says you listen to your children. Please listen to me and take my hurting, give me my compassion and mercy and servanthood back. Why is it so easy for me to live the life in other countries and have a heart for them but not here? Help me Lord...I can't do this anymore....
I read this tonight and needed it
Beloved,
Your tears that stream down your face as you lie broken before me capture my heart. Your tears, little one—your pain wells up inside of me too. You kneel before me, with a few grains of sand. The rest have fallen through the cracks in your fingers. You are so heartbroken over the sand on the floor. Your hands cannot take it all, you cannot control every grain of sand. I made you hands that way—I made you that way. Not every blessing can be held, not every burden can be carried. These fallen grains of sand bring you to me. I am not another grain of sand. Do not mistake me for your substitute. I am your Rock—not your pebble, not your refined grain. You can hold me with the palm of your hand, you can stand on me with the weight of your heart. I will not shatter, I will not give up. Let go of the grains, little one. I made your hands—I know your limits. You can only hold so much before it all falls though. Do not give up, but do not hold so tight. I am your safe shores—I am your rock. Hold tight to me and I will hold your grains. |